There comes a time in a lady's life where she wants to avoid booze. Maybe she is trying to cure her depression. Maybe she is secretly growing a little baby in her tummy. Maybe she has a big baby on her boob waiting to be fed. Maybe it's been a mix of these things for the last three years and she is losing hope of ever enjoying a nice glass or seven of wine with all the other girls again.
Anyway. There are ways in which such a lady can fool herself that she is, in fact, still drinking. Even if it's Christmas and the entire world seems to be awash with gluhwein. Oh gluhwein. How I love thee. So warm. So sweet. So delicately spicy. So toe-tingling-inducing. So...STOP STOP take me back to the soft drink section.
Sorry about that.
Here's my guide to the top choices.
Looks festive. Might help prevent cystitis. Not gluhwein though is it?
When I was little, this is what we drank when the grown ups had real booze. Kicks can be got by finding the brand with the most ginger, for those "teetotallers can have fun too you know" moments.
Kopparberg alcohol free pear cider
This one good if you like lemonade with extra sugar and some pear flavouring.
Save money on this one by simply bottling your old bath water.
It tastes like beer! It's all hoppy and tangy and fresh in the mouth! Its bottle looks just like a real becks bottle! I feel normal again.
I only know one bar in town that serves this. But they serve it in its own fancy curved glass and it has a big frothy head and it tastes all beery and you can stand there in the pub with all your friends drinking their real beers and drink this and feel like you belong and as a bonus your conversation stays lucid and you don't wake the next morning feeling like you've been bashed about the head with a roll of old carpet.