In November, I had sex with Jim. My period was due the next week, so I figured I had already ovulated and we had about zero chance of conceiving. Then my period was late. I can’t be pregnant, I said, I calculated this and I ovulated about two weeks ago.
Why don’t you do a pregnancy test? Jim suggested, pragmatic as ever.
I did a pregnancy test. It was negative. My period showed up two weeks later.
We kept having sex, and my period kept being late, and I kept getting excited and doing pregnancy tests and they kept coming out negative and I kept getting disappointed, and my period kept showing up late, and it was all a bit not really going to plan.
In January, I went to see my GP.
Why don’t you do a pregnancy test? Jim suggested, pragmatic as ever.
I did a pregnancy test. It was negative. My period showed up two weeks later.
We kept having sex, and my period kept being late, and I kept getting excited and doing pregnancy tests and they kept coming out negative and I kept getting disappointed, and my period kept showing up late, and it was all a bit not really going to plan.
In January, I went to see my GP.
It was very, very small, he reassured me, and very, very benign, and very, very treatable. Simply take half of one of these tablets once a week.
Is this to do with my age? I asked.
He shook his head. We’ve got no idea what causes these growths. Your particular mix of genetics, chance, anything. But not age. Come and see me again in three months, and hopefully your prolactin levels will have fallen and it should be possible for you to conceive.
I went away with my tiny tablets and my tiny brain growth and tried not to freak out. It sounded like as brain tumours go, this was pretty much the best kind. But I still had a letter that had my name on it and the words 'benign tumour' and that was pretty scary. On the other hand, I now had a reason for my inability to conceive, and a bottle of medication, and a specialist doctor with a fancy name, so I felt relieved, and even a little optimistic. It was October, almost exactly a year since we had started trying.
I showed Jim my pills.
They’re pretty tiny, he said,
We exchanged looks that said: “I’m going to pretend I have faith in this for his/her sake.”
“We’ve been trying for a year anyway, what difference does three months make?”
“Please, please let this work…”
Is this to do with my age? I asked.
He shook his head. We’ve got no idea what causes these growths. Your particular mix of genetics, chance, anything. But not age. Come and see me again in three months, and hopefully your prolactin levels will have fallen and it should be possible for you to conceive.
I went away with my tiny tablets and my tiny brain growth and tried not to freak out. It sounded like as brain tumours go, this was pretty much the best kind. But I still had a letter that had my name on it and the words 'benign tumour' and that was pretty scary. On the other hand, I now had a reason for my inability to conceive, and a bottle of medication, and a specialist doctor with a fancy name, so I felt relieved, and even a little optimistic. It was October, almost exactly a year since we had started trying.
I showed Jim my pills.
They’re pretty tiny, he said,
We exchanged looks that said: “I’m going to pretend I have faith in this for his/her sake.”
“We’ve been trying for a year anyway, what difference does three months make?”
“Please, please let this work…”
Your prolactin levels are very high, the GP said, we’d like to do some more blood tests. I spent the spring watching the nurse take blood from my arm. My 35th birthday came and went, and with it my hope of having a baby before I entered the dreaded zone of heightened Down’s Syndrome risk and falling fertility levels. My prolactin level stayed high, and in the summer my GP referred me to an endocrinologist, which was a new one on me but means hormone doctor, and he took some blood too, and sent me for an MRI scan, and took some more blood, and in the mean time of course I was googling “causes of high prolactin levels” and reading about this thing called a prolactinoma, which is a little growth in your pituitary gland which causes it to make too much prolactin, which is the hormone you need for breastfeeding but not when you’re trying to conceive, so I had decided I had one of these things growing in my brain, and I was getting sick of people extracting small phials of blood from me, and then I got a letter from my endocrinologist saying I had a small brain tumour and please come and see me.
I like my GP a lot, cos she really helped me with my depression, but when I told her I was trying to conceive and my periods were all over the place and that was very unlike me, she said:
"It could be your age."
(I was 34.)
I’m pretty sure it’s not my age, I said. My period is never late. Everything else in my life may be chaotic, but my monthly bleed time is one of the few things in my life that is utterly, reliably regular.
It could be stress, she said.
Is there anything in the world that doctors don’t think is caused by stress?
But of course I was stressed, not least cos I was trying to get pregnant and failing miserably whilst all my other friends seemed to have sex once and produce a baby nine months later, so I made a mental note to relax harder, and my GP offered to do some blood tests, just in case, and I went away and had sex with Jim and my period was late and the pregnancy test was negative, and I went to see the nurse and gave her some of my blood to look at.
"It could be your age."
(I was 34.)
I’m pretty sure it’s not my age, I said. My period is never late. Everything else in my life may be chaotic, but my monthly bleed time is one of the few things in my life that is utterly, reliably regular.
It could be stress, she said.
Is there anything in the world that doctors don’t think is caused by stress?
But of course I was stressed, not least cos I was trying to get pregnant and failing miserably whilst all my other friends seemed to have sex once and produce a baby nine months later, so I made a mental note to relax harder, and my GP offered to do some blood tests, just in case, and I went away and had sex with Jim and my period was late and the pregnancy test was negative, and I went to see the nurse and gave her some of my blood to look at.
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